Border Princes Turn 8 Battle Report: Da Thump'n Bash Road Smash (The Battle of Tarnished Spurs)

D Thump'n Bash Road Smash (aka 'The Battle of Tarnished Spurs')

Fresh from bloody battles around the Bretonnian holdings in Araby, Baron Odo lead his crusading realm knights in a bid to claim the Silk Road for his brother-in-law Tybalt.  Against him marched the orc warboss Attaka da Gun and his ferocious Smakkadiks!

Odo’s mounted squires took to the field first, the skilled huntsmen bravely baiting out the maniacal fanatics, squig hoppers and mangler squigs.  Indeed, five of the hapless squires were smashed into bloody pulp by one of the crazed fanatics, while another band of squires played a deadly game of cat-and-mouse with the squig hoppers!

Meanwhile the Greenskins’ battle began with salvos from their bolt throwers and doom-divers, whittling down the ranks of Bretonnian chivalry.  In response a great granite rock was hurled from the Bretonnians’ trebuchet, flattening dozens of Night Goblins.  Terrified by this bizarre nightmare of flying goblins, manglers and boulders, a unit of Bretonnian bowmen felt it the better part of valour to leave the nobles to their madness and rather stumble around the woods eating hallucinogenic truffles!

Impatient to spill Greenskin blood, Baron Odo lead two proud units of realm knights forward on the right flank, while Sir Etienne and his knightly retinue carried Odo’s battle standard into battle with the savage orcs on the left.  However, Attaka da Gun moved with ensorcelled speed, cutting down six of the hapless realm knights before their lances even struck home!  Meanhile the remaining crazed savage orcs seemed almost impervious to the shock of the Bretonnians’ charge, and the remaining knights were soon bogged down in a brutal melee against a foe which never seemed to tire, desperately trying to hold until the arrival of their reserves.  The brave Sir Etienne himself was quickly dragged from his saddle and hacked to pieces, the Baron’s Banner carried away by the shrieking horde!

Enraged, Baron Odo lead his knights towards the left to aid his retainers, but not before ordering his other knights into a charge on the right, where they smashed a snotling pump-wagon to smithereens and then careening on into the horde of night-goblins, bristling with spears but uncertain before the knightly charge.  Baron Odo lead his personal retinue into a hellish charge upon the greenskin artillery, and his knights were whittled down by goblin bolt throwers, doom divers and the terrible gaping maw of the mangler squig. 

With no help yet coming from the Baron, the savage orcs were able to overwhelm the realm knights they battled, cutting down the remainder as they fled.  Behind Bretonnian lines, meanwhile, the trebuchet crew were slain by squig hoppers and wolf riders, though they in turn were seen off by the remaining squires.

Suddenly, the Bretonnian bowmen in the woods hurled themselves into the battle between the knights and the night goblins, apparently buoyed by the hallucinogens in the mushrooms they had been scoffing!  Whatever the cause, the night goblins broke and the knights gave chase, but their exhausted chargers were unable to keep pace with the fleet-footed greenskins! 

This brief turn for the Bretonnians was not to hold, however, for their reserves arrived too-late beside Baron Odo and what remained of his force.  The Savage orcs hurled themselves into the bewildered Bretonnian reserves, cutting them to pieces even as they looked around desperately for the knights they were supposed to be reinforcing.  Grinning brutally, Rumbilgutz lead his trolls in a charge into the few knights remaining upright in their saddles beside Baron Odo.  Seeing this turn of events, the fleeing Night Goblins found their courage and turned to form up against their knightly pursuers, chuckling nastily.

Intent on dying with as much greenskin blood on his mace as possible, Baron Odo issued a challenge to Rumbilgutz, and in the dying sunlight the two mighty warriors traded blows even as the trolls dismembered Odo’s remaining retainers.  Eventually, however, even Odo’s desire to die in battle was thwarted, for with all his knights slain and the hungry trolls closing in, the Prophetess of the Lady demanded Odo escort her safely from the battlefield… leaving the Silk Road to the wild hooting and cavorting of the greenskins as they danced amid the broken bodies of their beaten foe…

Da Thump’n Bash Road Smash (aka ‘The Battle of Tarnished Spurs’ , part of the Border Princes War of 2516-2518 IC
Date: 14th Ernzeit, 2516 IC
Location: The Central Silk Road, in the vicinity of Malko
Result: Decisive Orc & Goblin Victory (Crushing Victory)
Belligerents
Bretonnians (Baron Odo’s Crusade)	Orcs and Goblins (Da Smakaddiks)
Commanders
Baron Odo	Attaka da Gun
Other Leaders
Sir Etienne (Battle Standard Bearer) †	Baddass Wind, Shaman of Gork (or was it Mork?)
Margot, Prophetess of the Lady	Rumbilgutz, Big Boss (Battle Standard Bearer)
Elise, Damsel of the Lady(†?)	Trippin Fungi, Night Goblin Shaman
	Alcerus “You can call me Al”, Goblin Big Boss
	Ragfacescab, Goblin Big Boss
Strength
2450 pts.	2250 pts.
Casualties
1206 pts.	410 pts.
†=killed in battle